The Motivation Theory for Success
Submitted by samlord
Looking for guaranteed success in life? You must trust the motivational theory. Learn this theory, trust it and apply it. You will definitely see a difference. There will be a positive energy development in you that would ultimately drive you to your destination. You will be more optimistic and happy to undertake your task. An enhancement of self esteem and confidence in you is also a result of following the motivational theory.
If you are serious about following the motivation theory in your life for achieving success, here are some important steps you must follow:
- Step 1: The driving force: vision
- Step 2: Define your goal: success
- Step 3: Action Steps: The plan.
Let us discuss the above mentioned steps in detail:
Step One:
- The driving force - Vision
Have you charged yourself up with self motivation? What is the force of motivation inside you? What makes you carry a task or play with full enthusiasm? What is the exact element that helps you to concentrate on a certain thing? Don’t get confused. If you want to know about your driving force, you need to sit quite, for a while, think deeply and answer some important questions. This will make you clear about certain forces that make you work towards your dream. Now, answer some of the questions given below:
- Are you really anxious about the idea of spending one whole day or full week at work in order to make efforts towards organizing a business meeting?
- Close your eyes and think about a great vacation you have recently had. How do you feel about it at present? Can you clearly recall vivid images of the water and sand in your mind?Now as you picturize all the pictures related to your vacation vividly, you are practicing the skill of visualization related to motivation theory.
Step Two
- Defining your goal of success
This step can be referred to as the detailed version of the step one. Here, you tend to experience with other senses and motivate yourself to define the goal. Here, the goal is the ‘vacation’. You should use all your senses in order to progress towards the success goal. Keep on defining your success goal.
Visualize your organization as the top manufacturer or producer of ABC products. Now, this will make you experience the excitement of being the top producer of ABC products. Now, as your senses start feeling the success make note of what you actually observe. Answer the following questions:
- What tasks are you involved in?
- What position have you acquired in your company?
- Do you own an office at the best location in the city?
- Do you see yourself sitting with the other board of directors of the company?
The whole process of answering the questions, visualizing as well as experiencing the achievement of goals will actually define your overall vision of success. Make a note of all that you fee, see, the location you are at, the attire you are wearing and other people’s reaction towards you. The more detailed is your version, the better you would be able to define your goal. For instance, if you want to be famous, you cannot reach your goal until you define being ‘famous’.
Step Three
- The plan of action and your steps towards it
Once you have your vision of what success is to you, you can start working towards your goal.
30 July 2008
Success
Success is a Choice
Submitted by jkhbraveheart
Success is a Choice***
The freedom of choice, we all posses it and have the God given right to it.***
We have all heard the phrase Thoughts Become Things. Whatever it is that we want from life is always a thought first before it can become a reality.***
The one attribute that would make the difference in either success or failure in any given situation is the choice of changing our thoughts. For example let's use our financial positions. We need to get started on the right path of choosing our thoughts if we want to improve our financial situation. If we do not change our thinking we can never hope to reach our goal. What most of us fail to recognize is that we must first change our inner thoughts about our financial position, before the outward change will begin to happen?***
By making the decision to choose good healthy thoughts about money and finances, we are pointed in the right direction towards improvement. Too many times through our own failure to use this gift, we have been made slaves to the very thing we have wanted to avoid.***
We can easily think that we are in "bad times" and that is the way it is. True we can not control external conditions and situations, the only thing we can control are our thoughts. We have to know that it is up to us what thoughts we are going to choose. Soon you will begin to find that the conditions are not changing, we are. Prosperous thoughts will bring about prosperous results.***
There is nothing wrong with being thrifty but when we constantly have thoughts of lack by saying to ourselves "I can't afford it" over and over you will have gone through your life never being able to afford it. A better thought would be "I will buy it or I can afford that I just choose not to buy it right now". This way we are building the thoughts of expectancy and hope. It is very important not to ever destroy our hope. When hope is destroyed what is created is a life of difficulty and constant disappointment.***
Success in mastering our thoughts will take practice and conscious effort at first. When we choose good thoughts, ones that will assist us and not harm us, it will become effortless and a way of life. Dwell daily on thoughts and ideas that are uplifting. Invite all that is good into our lives. One mistake would be to merely wish and hope that success will find us. We have to be willing to take an outer action to attain the success. By doing so our confidence will soar as will our peace of mind and a sense of calmness will abound. Our life will be interesting and worthwhile.***
The most important thing in life is Life. We must care for it to the best of our ability. Choosing to be successful will afford us the quality of life that we desire. By selecting the correct thoughts we will create for ourselves the life that we truly want and deserve. Are you ready to turn failures into successes and fill your life with joy?***
There is no time like the present, it is totally up to us when we begin to journey on the road to success.***
"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." Eleanor Roosevelt***
Submitted by jkhbraveheart
Success is a Choice***
The freedom of choice, we all posses it and have the God given right to it.***
We have all heard the phrase Thoughts Become Things. Whatever it is that we want from life is always a thought first before it can become a reality.***
The one attribute that would make the difference in either success or failure in any given situation is the choice of changing our thoughts. For example let's use our financial positions. We need to get started on the right path of choosing our thoughts if we want to improve our financial situation. If we do not change our thinking we can never hope to reach our goal. What most of us fail to recognize is that we must first change our inner thoughts about our financial position, before the outward change will begin to happen?***
By making the decision to choose good healthy thoughts about money and finances, we are pointed in the right direction towards improvement. Too many times through our own failure to use this gift, we have been made slaves to the very thing we have wanted to avoid.***
We can easily think that we are in "bad times" and that is the way it is. True we can not control external conditions and situations, the only thing we can control are our thoughts. We have to know that it is up to us what thoughts we are going to choose. Soon you will begin to find that the conditions are not changing, we are. Prosperous thoughts will bring about prosperous results.***
There is nothing wrong with being thrifty but when we constantly have thoughts of lack by saying to ourselves "I can't afford it" over and over you will have gone through your life never being able to afford it. A better thought would be "I will buy it or I can afford that I just choose not to buy it right now". This way we are building the thoughts of expectancy and hope. It is very important not to ever destroy our hope. When hope is destroyed what is created is a life of difficulty and constant disappointment.***
Success in mastering our thoughts will take practice and conscious effort at first. When we choose good thoughts, ones that will assist us and not harm us, it will become effortless and a way of life. Dwell daily on thoughts and ideas that are uplifting. Invite all that is good into our lives. One mistake would be to merely wish and hope that success will find us. We have to be willing to take an outer action to attain the success. By doing so our confidence will soar as will our peace of mind and a sense of calmness will abound. Our life will be interesting and worthwhile.***
The most important thing in life is Life. We must care for it to the best of our ability. Choosing to be successful will afford us the quality of life that we desire. By selecting the correct thoughts we will create for ourselves the life that we truly want and deserve. Are you ready to turn failures into successes and fill your life with joy?***
There is no time like the present, it is totally up to us when we begin to journey on the road to success.***
"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And, the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." Eleanor Roosevelt***
Selling Yourself
Telling Your Story, Selling Yourself
Submitted by PDS
Effective storytelling is a crucial leadership trait and an essential tool that will help you reach your personal goals by bringing other people in to support you.
Just like any company or organisation worth its salt will have a marketing or communication department, you need to have a part of you that generates, controls, and promotes your personal brand in order for the story of what you’re all about to be told and sold. You need to quite deliberately position yourself and what you have to offer in the best light so your stake holders – your manager, people in your network, your family, etc. – are clear about what they can expect from you and its value to them. And although we are focusing on the telling of that personal brand story, it is critically important to remember that a major part of that story is about how you deliver on what the story promises.
So, what’s your story? Being clear about the answer to this question is a key success principle. You need to be able to describe yourself, your values, your experience, your skills, your uniqueness, your aims and how you intend to achieve them. And you need to relate these things through compelling stories that will help you and others to better understand you, and why you’re worth buying into.
Not only that, these stories are also an essential part of your wider marketing strategy, because good stories will be passed on from stakeholder to potential stakeholder, and from customer to potential customer, opening new avenues of opportunity for you.
Until the lions have their own historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter. – African proverb
Learning how to tell your own story gives you control over how that story is told. By taking charge of your message, you can use it to effectively communicate your ideas and interests, and learn about what others might have to contribute to the ongoing work of developing yourself. The power of the story is a mighty tool – learn to use it wisely!
The One-Minute StoryThere you are, getting on the lift to the top floor of the building, and who should step in just before the doors close: the one person who can make an immediate, positive impact on your life – if they only knew it. So what are you going to say?
You have a captive audience for the minute or so it will take for the lift to reach the top floor, and a perfect opportunity to make your presentation without any distractions. You need a concise, appealing, and captivating script that tells your story and draws the listener’s interest. Do you have your story ready?
Speakers who talk about what life has taught them never fail to keep the attention of their listeners. – Dale Carnegie, sales pioneerWhat kind of stories do we need to tell to create this communication, this connection with the other person? The best storytellers begin by thinking about the needs of the listener. Focus on your audience, and not on your subject matter. You’ll always gain more dividends for your personal life business by being an authority on your audience than you will for being an authority on any given subject.Prepare for telling your story by first understanding who will be listening to it. Keep in mind the kinds of questions people will have in their head when deciding whether or not they want to do business with you. It might seem obvious, but it’s much harder to come up with the answers if you don’t know what the questions are going to be!To be a person is to have a story to tell. – Isak Dinesen, authorFive Tips For Expert StorytellingKeep It Brief. Keep whatever you have to say as short and simple as reasonably possible. While it’s not true to say that a short story is better than a long one, it is true that most people are more likely to be engaged by a compact story than one that is filled with superfluous information. If you have the opportunity to prepare a speech or presentation, it’s always best to write it out, and then go over it cutting out all of the extra words.Study Your Audience. It’s important to know what makes people tick. Find out about the things that interest young people and old people, men and women, willing people and lazy people – all of the people potentially in your audience. Running your leadership business effectively will inevitably involve communicating with a whole range of people, and in many cases, getting them to work together.Be Aware Of Body Talk. Actions speak louder than words, and effective non-verbal communication can make all the difference, whether you are telling your story to one person or one thousand people. The body language and gestures you use are vitally important. Make it your business to be aware of how you use these to add spice, consistency, and sincerity to your communication with others, and be sensitive as to how others use these non-verbal methods with you.Listen And Learn. Being a good listener will enhance your ability to build rapport and trust between yourself and the range of people you have to work with. It will make you more open to creative and productive solutions to problems and challenges, and it will minimise the possibility that you’ll make mistakes due to miscommunication.Practice, Practice, Practice. Take every opportunity you can to hone your communication skills by talking to people. Remember, making a presentation doesn’t always involve handouts and a PowerPoint display. Every time you explain something to someone, or seek to persuade a work colleague, a friend, or a family member to take a particular course of action, you are in effect making a presentation. Whenever you have the opportunity to do this – and if you pay attention, you’ll realise you’re making presentations all the time – think about the language (verbal and non-verbal), examples, and stories you use to illustrate your point.There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you. – Maya Angelou, authorFor more information about the art of storytelling go to: http://www.mylifeismybusiness.co.uk
Submitted by PDS
Effective storytelling is a crucial leadership trait and an essential tool that will help you reach your personal goals by bringing other people in to support you.
Just like any company or organisation worth its salt will have a marketing or communication department, you need to have a part of you that generates, controls, and promotes your personal brand in order for the story of what you’re all about to be told and sold. You need to quite deliberately position yourself and what you have to offer in the best light so your stake holders – your manager, people in your network, your family, etc. – are clear about what they can expect from you and its value to them. And although we are focusing on the telling of that personal brand story, it is critically important to remember that a major part of that story is about how you deliver on what the story promises.
So, what’s your story? Being clear about the answer to this question is a key success principle. You need to be able to describe yourself, your values, your experience, your skills, your uniqueness, your aims and how you intend to achieve them. And you need to relate these things through compelling stories that will help you and others to better understand you, and why you’re worth buying into.
Not only that, these stories are also an essential part of your wider marketing strategy, because good stories will be passed on from stakeholder to potential stakeholder, and from customer to potential customer, opening new avenues of opportunity for you.
Until the lions have their own historians, tales of the hunt shall always glorify the hunter. – African proverb
Learning how to tell your own story gives you control over how that story is told. By taking charge of your message, you can use it to effectively communicate your ideas and interests, and learn about what others might have to contribute to the ongoing work of developing yourself. The power of the story is a mighty tool – learn to use it wisely!
The One-Minute StoryThere you are, getting on the lift to the top floor of the building, and who should step in just before the doors close: the one person who can make an immediate, positive impact on your life – if they only knew it. So what are you going to say?
You have a captive audience for the minute or so it will take for the lift to reach the top floor, and a perfect opportunity to make your presentation without any distractions. You need a concise, appealing, and captivating script that tells your story and draws the listener’s interest. Do you have your story ready?
Speakers who talk about what life has taught them never fail to keep the attention of their listeners. – Dale Carnegie, sales pioneerWhat kind of stories do we need to tell to create this communication, this connection with the other person? The best storytellers begin by thinking about the needs of the listener. Focus on your audience, and not on your subject matter. You’ll always gain more dividends for your personal life business by being an authority on your audience than you will for being an authority on any given subject.Prepare for telling your story by first understanding who will be listening to it. Keep in mind the kinds of questions people will have in their head when deciding whether or not they want to do business with you. It might seem obvious, but it’s much harder to come up with the answers if you don’t know what the questions are going to be!To be a person is to have a story to tell. – Isak Dinesen, authorFive Tips For Expert StorytellingKeep It Brief. Keep whatever you have to say as short and simple as reasonably possible. While it’s not true to say that a short story is better than a long one, it is true that most people are more likely to be engaged by a compact story than one that is filled with superfluous information. If you have the opportunity to prepare a speech or presentation, it’s always best to write it out, and then go over it cutting out all of the extra words.Study Your Audience. It’s important to know what makes people tick. Find out about the things that interest young people and old people, men and women, willing people and lazy people – all of the people potentially in your audience. Running your leadership business effectively will inevitably involve communicating with a whole range of people, and in many cases, getting them to work together.Be Aware Of Body Talk. Actions speak louder than words, and effective non-verbal communication can make all the difference, whether you are telling your story to one person or one thousand people. The body language and gestures you use are vitally important. Make it your business to be aware of how you use these to add spice, consistency, and sincerity to your communication with others, and be sensitive as to how others use these non-verbal methods with you.Listen And Learn. Being a good listener will enhance your ability to build rapport and trust between yourself and the range of people you have to work with. It will make you more open to creative and productive solutions to problems and challenges, and it will minimise the possibility that you’ll make mistakes due to miscommunication.Practice, Practice, Practice. Take every opportunity you can to hone your communication skills by talking to people. Remember, making a presentation doesn’t always involve handouts and a PowerPoint display. Every time you explain something to someone, or seek to persuade a work colleague, a friend, or a family member to take a particular course of action, you are in effect making a presentation. Whenever you have the opportunity to do this – and if you pay attention, you’ll realise you’re making presentations all the time – think about the language (verbal and non-verbal), examples, and stories you use to illustrate your point.There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you. – Maya Angelou, authorFor more information about the art of storytelling go to: http://www.mylifeismybusiness.co.uk
19 July 2008
I Think I Can. I Think I Can. Can I?
by: Michele Wahlder
I think I can. I think I can. Can I?
Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:
One
Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?
Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.
You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.
Two
Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?
Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.
You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.
Three
Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?
Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.
You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.
Four
Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?
We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:
The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.
A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom).
Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job. Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.
Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.
Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.
Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:
B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:
A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”
Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?
A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:
A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”
B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.” Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?
D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:
A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”
B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.” Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?
S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:
A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”
B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.” The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?
Five
Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?
The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”
Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:
• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head
• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts
• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives
• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.
This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.
I think I can. I think I can. Can I?
Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:
One
Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?
Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.
You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.
Two
Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?
Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.
You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.
Three
Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?
Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.
You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.
Four
Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?
We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:
The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.
A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom).
Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job. Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.
Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.
Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.
Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:
B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:
A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”
B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”
Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?
A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:
A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”
B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.” Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?
D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:
A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”
B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.” Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?
S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:
A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”
B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.” The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?
Five
Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?
The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”
Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:
• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head
• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts
• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives
• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.
This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.
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